ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
