I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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