Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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