oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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