This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
