So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
