I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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