she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
