Don't you send me to vm
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
