Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
