meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
