This girl is more easily done than said...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
