first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
