So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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