I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
