You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My penis needs a shock collar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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