lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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