i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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