We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
