Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
