apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
