ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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