Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
