I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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