i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
