i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
