apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
