Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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