I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
