I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
