Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
