just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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