In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
