I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i dont even know how to be here
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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