I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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