i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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