So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
do herpes really smell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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