My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
