no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
