nutella sex= disaster
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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