How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
