where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
