Ambien. No doubt about it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
