Will you blow on my dice?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
