i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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