This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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