Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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