me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
