he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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