omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
