Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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