I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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